At the Millers', where there always seems to be room for one more, there is a simple philosophy: "An empty bed," says the Rev. Connie Miller, "is a wasted bed." The Millers, a married couple who are both Lutheran pastors, have spent the past seven years filling their one-story rancher on Kent Island with a multicultural mosaic of children. They adopted two girls from China and a biracial girl from Pennsylvania. Two years ago, they took on foster children -- two of the "lost boys" of Sudan who were among hundreds who fled war there and lived for years in refugee camps in Kenya. And recently, their grandson came to live with them. " We do this because we can," said the Rev. Tom Miller, pastor of Living Water Lutheran Church on Kent Island. "We have an open mind. And we have room." For the Millers, the season isn't just about Christmas. It has become a celebration of the cultural diversity of their family. So the day after the Christmas wrappings are cleared away begins Kwanzaa, the observance of African cultural values. "And a month later, Chinese New Year comes in, so we take down the Christmas tree and put up the dragons and lanterns," said Connie Miller, who is a part-time associate pastor at Gloria Dei! Lutheran Church in Arnold. "We start our season in the beginning of December with Advent, and it really doesn't end until the beginning of February." The parents believe the whole family benefits from each celebration. " We like that Kwanzaa talks about cooperation, that it talks about supporting your local economics, that it talks about unity, that it talks about learning and developing your skills and abilities," Connie Miller said. "We think, for all of our kids, even those who aren't African or African-American, that those are wonderful character traits that we would very much like them to grow up with and appreciate." For Chinese New Year, the family throws a big party with relatives and friends, and the children work on craft projects. The children read stories and watch videos about China. Connie Miller goes to the classrooms of her daughters to talk about Chinese culture. The pastors have found
that their extended celebration has not only helped their children
appreciate their own cultures, it has
enhanced
how they
observe Christmas.
Because they also give gifts during Kwanzaa, they give fewer
gifts at Christmas, reducing its materialistic focus. " What we've tried to do is to teach them about St. Nicholas. We talk about St. Nicholas as a real person who gave generously to the poor. It's only been this year, when they've all been in school, that Santa Claus has even been mentioned as a person in this household," Connie Miller said. " We try to stay away from the pretend stuff and the magical stuff, and we try to teach them about a Christmas that is rooted in history and compassion and giving." The Millers, both in their late 40s, share a sense of wonder and a bit of bewilderment when they pause to consider the shape their family has taken. They gather for meals around a long wooden table. Along one side of the dinner table, instead of chairs, is a pew that Tom Miller rescued from his old church in Hanover, Pa. It helps to squeeze everyone in at mealtime. Both have sons from previous marriages who are grown and on their own. When their sons moved out, the parents felt too young to have an empty nest. " We kind of looked at each other and said, `Well, what are we going to do with the rest of our lives?'" Connie Miller said as she sat in their living room, next to a Native American Nativity perched in front of Chinese scroll paintings. Her husband sat nearby, reading a book with one of the girls who was home sick that day from school. Within the same week in 1995, both pastors received a letter urging them to encourage families to adopt girls from China. "We both looked at each other and said almost spontaneously, `We could do this.' That's what began the journey," she said.
" She had a rough start, but you'd never know it today," said Connie Miller. "She's an extremely healthy, intelligent, physically capable young lady. What I've discovered in this journey is how resilient children are." The next year, the Millers applied to adopt a second girl from China so Sue-Lee would have a sibling, but the Chinese adoption agency had temporarily ceased operations. Not knowing when it would be functioning again, they turned to Diakon Lutheran Social Ministries, which arranges domestic adoptions. The Chinese agency reopened and offered them a child about the same time as a biracial girl became available in the United States. They accepted both. And so, within months, two more girls moved in: Carrie Grace, who is part African-American and part white, and Lien, who came from Anhui province in Eastern China. Both are now 5. No sooner had they settled in with their three girls than they decided to adopt a fourth. They looked to Africa, specifically Liberia, a country with a long history with the Lutheran church. But the process was cut short, partly by the civil war in Liberia and partly because Tom Miller received a call to become pastor of the Kent Island church, which meant the family would have to move from its home in York, Pa. After settling in their new home, the Millers decided to turn to the Baltimore-based Lutheran Immigration and Relief Services, which runs an international foster-care program. They were accepted in 2000, and the next group of kids who came to the United States were several hundred young men, widely known as the "lost boys," who had been driven from their homes in Sudan by civil war in the late 1980s. Orphaned or separated from their families by the war, they had been forced to wander by foot, first to Ethiopia, then back to Sudan and finally to refugee camps in Kenya. Many died along the way -- from starvation, drowning in rivers, attacks by wild animals and assaults by combatants. Two of the "lost boys" were sent to the Millers in November 2000: Deng Bol and Thomas Makuac. They are both 19, having been assigned a common birthday of Jan. 1 by relief authorities unable to verify their true birth dates. They will stay with the family until their 21st birthdays. Just a few weeks after they arrived, the Sudanese young men experienced their first American Christmas with its abundant feasting and gift-giving. It was quite a contrast to life in a refugee camp, where they ate one meal a day, usually corn gruel or lentil soup and bread. " It's different because over here all the family members gather and exchange gifts," said Bol. "Over there in the refugee camp, members of a tribe lived in a group. When Christmas came they would contribute some money and buy a goat and slaughter it. Then people would gather and dance and eat." This month, the Millers expanded by one more when their grandchild, Christian Smith, came to live with them. Their supervisor, Bishop H. Gerard Knoche of the Delaware-Maryland Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, said he admires the Millers' willingness to adopt children of varying races and ages. " I think it's a wonderful model that different cultures can be brought together and enrich one another," he said. "I think it's a real challenge they've taken on." Welcoming these children into their lives has not only enriched them personally, the Millers said, it has made them better ministers. " For years I preached one thing and lived another. I preached about justice and giving of oneself, giving oneself away," Connie Miller said. "I feel now that my preaching has a lot more integrity, my life has a lot more integrity." " We're very up-front that this is our value," said Tom Miller. "The issue is how do we treat those in need. And for me that's how we do this. When you lay it out like that, it's hard to argue with. We do it because God says were supposed to do it." And they hope that their example might encourage others to consider adoption. " If everyone who had an empty bed could just reach out to one child, we would make a significant difference," said Connie Miller. " Well," said her husband, with a bemused smile, "we still have one empty bed." The Rev. Tom Miller holds Carrie Grace, 5, as Lien, also 5, kneels on the bed watching television in their Kent Island home. |
